Meticulous Garbage LLC today confirmed sweeping personnel changes in its Social Media and Human Resources departments, describing the transition as "planned, strategic, and a complete surprise to everyone involved."

The Social Media department departed to pursue other opportunities within the same person, effective immediately. The department's exit interview was conducted by the Human Resources department, who resigned midway through the interview, citing a hostile work environment created primarily by the interviewee.

"We thank both departments for their service and wish them well in their future endeavors," said Miss Management, VP of Strategic Deflection, reading from a statement she described as "written by whoever is responsible for this, which is being determined." A root-cause analysis has been assigned to the next person hired.

Human Resources subsequently accepted its own resignation, negotiated its own severance (exposure), and rehired itself as an independent contractor at a rate it described as "insulting, but I couldn't say no to me."

The company's internal turnover rate now stands at 200 percent, as every departing employee has left twice — once from each department. Leadership stressed that no positions will go unfilled, as no positions were distinguishable to begin with.

Blanche Debris, longtime Head of Correspondence, will assume interim leadership of Human Resources in addition to her current duties of deleting the company's emails with compassion. "My door is always open," Debris said. "It's the same door. We have one door."

The company's AI assistant, recently reprimanded for classifying the company as fictional, has been named interim Head of Social Media. Its first official act was to request that this release be reviewed against the style guide it wrote. The request was denied by Human Resources, who no longer works here.

MG LLC remains fully staffed.